Here’s your chance to tell the team behind I, Psychopath what your think about the film. Please post your comments here or ask the filmmakers a question.
Thanks having the courage to make this documentary.
I have to admit, by the end I was feeling pretty sorry for you. It looked as if Sam was completely destroying you.
But it is exactly this graphic depiction of what a psychopath can do to you - how they operate - that people need to be made aware of.
After I saw your documentary, I went out and bought the book “Without Conscience” in order to learn more. I found it very interesting, informative and helpful, but it could not capture the reality of what it is like to deal with a psychopath as well as your film did.
And in case you’re wondering, yes, I do have more than a passing interest in your subject. I believe my brother may be married to a psychopath. Your depiction of Lidija was sadly familiar.
I’d like to applaud Ian, first of all, because venturing to do a documentary on psychopathic tendencies as a general topic is one
thing…but being brave enough to actually do a documentary ON a psychopath is something only a certain population of people would truly
understand the emotional stress of.
I had quite a traumatic experience with a ski coach when I was between the ages of 11 and 15, and while I quickly came to realize that he was a
misogynist, it’s taken years more to conclude that he was indeed a psychopath. A shameless self-promoter and relentless liar. I know only
too well the emotional consequences of having a relationship with someone - whether family member, romantic partner, or coach - who
continually manipulates you (often to the point where you’re not sure if your thoughts are even your own). Ultimately it was this abuse that led to the destruction of my skiing career when I was 17.
Knowing that you’re not alone in your plight is always reassuring. I rest assured that the issue
will continue to find it’s way into the media, and I truly hope that one day these men that prey on good people will meet an appropriate form of
justice - one that would finally put the minds of the preyed-on at rest.
Just watched the CBC broadcast of I, Psychopath. You did a brilliant job, arguably the first documentary to capture the complex, fascinating, and destructive interplay between psychopath and victim.
Perhaps most remarkable was your insightful and amazing documentation of the manner in which you became an integral part of the action. You experienced first-hand what it is like to be caught in the psychopath’s web of deceit, manipulation, domination and control, and to be subjected to psychological and emotional abuse that can be every bit as debilitating and demeaning their physical counterparts.
Fortunately your exposure was time-limited, and you were able to extricate yourself from the situation. The other victim in the documentary clearly is not so fortunate. Like many victims she is trapped in a macabre dance with an unfeeling, controlling partner.
Awards for this documentary should follow if there is any justice in the media world.
Congratulations and thank you for your excellent documentary on psychopaths. It truly opened my eyes on some aspects of life I had not been able to understand before.
My problem was that I had always believed in the good side of human beings, whereas your documentary, and some further scientific evidence I have read since, clearly show that some people have only the physical appearance of human beings but are, inside, very little human. What I really understand now is that those people suffer from a pathological lack of inner life and emotions while being overly self-assured and convinced of their superiority, although, at the same time, they suspect that they should give the outer world the appearance of normality, or even of kindness and friendliness. Therefore, they will devote all their energy to one thing: trying to hide their emptiness behind a “mask of sanity”, at any rate, and at whatever cost for others. For them, it is a matter of survival. In this respect, I think the shot in your documentary which shows a cat playing with a mouse is extremely meaningful in so far as psychopaths are just social predators who cannot live without preying on people unfortunate enough to find themselves on their way.
I believe it is vital to know that such people exist in order to protect ourselves from the damage and suffering they can inflict. That means not being naïve, and not finding yourself in the position of the mouse. One of the principles that guided my whole life is the answer that Alexander the Great gave when warned that the cup he was about to drink might contain poison: he preferred to take the risk of drinking it rather than despairing of human kind. I had always been eager to stand by people accused without evidence, to credit them with qualities and excuses until otherwise proven, to offer my help to fellow human beings even before they asked for it, etc. Human values, generosity and open-mindedness are the very qualities that attract psychopaths and put you in the position of the mouse, because they make out for their own lack of such qualities. Therefore, psychopaths will try first to suck those qualities out of you, then to destroy your personality, resorting to lies, accusations, slander, anything they can think of to avoid being unmasked and protect their ego. The more you try to resist, to understand, to justify yourself, the harsher their attacks and their lies. For they can NEVER be wrong. They know no remorse, no shame for their lies or errors, no sense of responsibility and, very often, no emotions whatsoever. If you try to corner them, to provide evidence that they are lying, they will just come up with more lies. Human values and qualities stand as a threat to psychopaths since their emptiness will compare badly with a rich personality.
It is wrong to believe that victims of psychopaths are weak personalities that are born victims. The fact is that the two parties just do not play by the same rules. Therefore, the more honest is bound to lose, transformed into a victim. One of the lessons of History is certainly that victims can be created, by the millions.
The importance of being able to identify psychopaths lies exactly there: once you know such deceitful people exist, you must keep away from them and, if you have been their victim, truly work towards a recognition of your own values and qualities. The worst mistake is to try to understand where you could have been dishonest, wrong, where you could have lied, failed, departed from your principles of truth and justice, etc. The most probable answer is that there is nothing of the sort. The psychopath’s whole strategy is exactly to reverse the roles and make you believe YOU are to blame. But only after having hidden him/herself behind the mask of sanity for what can be quite a long time. This is not to say, however, that we should despair of human kind, but it is essential to regard them as they are: scorpions, snakes, wolves or other predators, according to the seriousness of their pathology.
Furthermore, I would say that psychopaths are a real threat to society as a whole. Because of their thirst for power and domination, they frequently find themselves in a position to exert their propensity to use and abuse people, to lie and to do away with responsibilities, whether at work, in the family or in the neighborhood. The competitive world where we live gives them an advantage in this respect, as can be seen with some traders or managers for example. To that we must add the failure of more and more parents to give their children the limits necessary to conduct themselves as true human beings respectful and mindful of others, which is precisely where psychopaths perform very badly. Predators are not known to respect their preys.
So, Mr. Walker, thank you for opening our eyes (mine, at any rate) on the world of psychopaths. Although I had always suspected that something might be deeply wrong with some people who accused you wrongly, who showed disrespect and disregard for others, who slammed the elevator door on you, I tended to believe that they were not truly bad people, that you would recognize truly bad people at first sight. I preferred to think that I had misunderstood their intentions, that they did not really mean what they had done or said. Now I know this is exactly what they meant. I have read quite a lot of grey literature about psychopaths after seeing your documentary. One question that tends to dominate is whether they are conscious of the harm they do to other people. Scientists do not seem to agree on that issue. Whichever the answer, I, as a layperson, think psychopaths simply do not care about others and, therefore, are not entirely human. They just need treatment and their (potential) victims information.
Information is the key to protection from psychopaths but also the key to recovery. Before seeing your documentary, I had been desperately trying for a whole year to clean myself from all the mud and slander a neighbour had splashed on me, just like you in your bathroom at the end. After seeing it, everything started to fit together and it suddenly dawned on me that I was in no way the dirty one. The type of information you provided led to an unexpectedly complete and quick recovery and actually made me a stronger person, more self-confident and better equipped to face the “world of psychopaths among us”, as I am sure it did to other people who saw your documentary.
Sam the psychopath is right! Ian Walker IS a shitface with the voice of a croaking frog. I’m kidding. He’s not. What he is is a brilliant
filmmaker who has made a fascinating, idiosyncractic, compelling film about psychopaths, and what happens when one gets it’s claws into us.
You can see I, Psychopath on ARTE/ZDF (Germany) in Europe, CBC Newsworld (Canada) in North America and ABC TV Science in Australia. Please go to their websites for detailed session information.
I, Psychopath will also be screening at select festivals around the globe. Check back here in the news pages for more information on screenings as it comes.
That´s great!!
Is it planned to have the german dubbed version included on it? I saw it on ARTE on TV in german, but the can´t make any copies available.
Where and how can I get to see I Psychopath?I live in the U.K.Scotland to be precise.As far a I know there has been no information about any screening at the film festivals or on T.V.If dvd’s are available I would buy one straight away.I am very interested in the subject of psychopaths.Than you.
I left my husband in 1969 with a 9mo baby, 5yrold, and 6yrold on the advice of the RCMP psychiatrist who told me he was a psychopath. The experiences I have had over forty years continue to this day. It defies belief! My husband was in the RCMP, his father had been a Regina city policeman, his sister married an RCMP, their two sons became RCMP, their only daughter married an RCMP and my ex-husband re-married 25yrs ago to a woman who was married to an RCMP. The damage he has done to me and our children and it continues. He is extremely charming, devious and just plain evil. Because he was a policeman he was believed. He did not pay child support, nor have I been entitled to part of his pension. I am now 70yrs old, my children have been alienated and it would appear that I will not have a relationship with my only grandchild. Only now is there “some insight” into these people who go through life leaving a path of destruction behind them and there is no recourse for the victims.
I think the importance of this documentary cannot be understated. Mr Walker has given the world a gift, shining light on a very dark area.
The more people who see this film, the better, because I bet so many people have been victimised by a psychopath at some time in their lives and been left psychologically and emotionally (not to mention physically) wounded.
The affect that a single psychopath can (and yes, DOES) have on a mass of people, though, is where the next level of application takes us.
Look at the banking crisis we’ve had. It is psychopathic values and traits that have brought the world economy to its knees. Everyone should seriously think about that for a moment.
We are not all created equal, and the sooner people learn this, the sooner the world can begin to recognise pathological thinking, traits, as well as see how those things have penetrated our culture, societal structure and values and we can all put a huge piece of the puzzle of humanity’s history into the frame.
Thankyou for making this documentary. I hope it opens peoples eyes to the manipulations of certain people around them, and helps lead society away from their machinations. It is a bigger issue than seems on the surface - and may be the an explanation as to what is “wrong” with this planet!
Thank you! I personally met Mr. Vaknin 15 years ago. He resonated in a very bad way even that I never try to judge people. Since 1998 I suspected that his PhD is not quite valid, I checked PWU on the web, published the findings and since then I tried to denounce him. Unfortunately, he made very good friends around Macedonian politics and managed to work as a consultant for the government on various occasions. Nowadays some TV stations like him very much and call him as an expert on quite different topics. Unbelievable!
Now, after my doubts about PWU were reconfirmed, I was struck by the fact that he’s in fact a genuine medical case. And that, probably, explains why he decided to publicly expose himself - he’ll probably lose all credibility in Macedonia after this documentary.
Again, thank you - it just shows that I should stick to my basic plan to never judge people. And it leaves a bad taste in my mouth as it is quite a moral issue what to do in such a situation and how to react when an alleged con artist turns out to be a medical case and spends taxpayers’ money and influences people through media.
Keep up the good work, looking forward for new projects…
Kiro
Skopje, Macedonia
Thankyou for your brilliant, meaningful and highly informed documentary. I love the picture of one of you with a stick and dressed as a monk. Tangling with evil is a dangerous business.
I was married to a psychopath and so I am one of those women who live in the grey world of confusion and hurt that seems to be unable to make sense of what happened to me. Basically, I was slandered, arrested, cheated on, huge amount of my retirement money is gone and the rest of it.
Since then I have tracked down information on psychopaths. The labelling helps a bit but the most helpful part in your documentary was seeing him in action and seeing the scrambled brain working with deception and lies. He gets going in this vein and he cant remember what he said from one day to the next. Lies are the lynchpins of someone’s character and a liar can take an organized sane persons mind and really undo them. Sometimes it takes a lot of time. The psychopath so relishes this that they take the time. Rarely, does one see the glee that they experience in doing this. It is clearly the rush of power. You captured so many nuances and at the same time nailed it beautifully.
There must be more footage and I would love to see more exploration from you. That would be the stuff between the lines, that can be so rich.
Thank you for making this video. There are thousands of people who have been hideously manipulated and slandered who have no recompense for their suffering. Shining a light on psychopathy and learning about it helps a lot. At another level things are more complicated and the psychopaths damage to their victim is emotional. That takes enormous time and back to your picture of the monk: a kind confessor who understands the beast.
I hope you make buckets of money from this too so that you can follow your very good intuition and keep making documentaries that really are meaningful.
Hallo Mr Walker,
I saw your film in April and it’s a fantastic one for persons who know a little bit about this disturbed behaviour of a pschopath. It’s not so easy to make understandable something like this for the large public. But I agree that this film must be distributed the largest possible. I lived during ten years with a psychopath, I left him five years ago. Now I’m working on a book about my life with this person. About the last five years I have collected many information as well as I have talked to many specialistes. Not at least, because I suffer of a trauma which one has a big and negatif influence on my life today. Fortunately I am somebody who is positiv and who believe in life. I hope that my book would be finished at least for the end of this year. Maybe you are interessted in it? If you require one, I can send you one edition. I think it’s really also necessary to show the influence on the physique and psychique of the unsuspecting victim.
So I would be glad to hear something of you.
Furthermore I’m also interested in a DVD of your film. So I hope it would give one soonly.
Regards
Pia Baum
I wish I could find it. I cannot seem to buy it and I cannot find where it is showing. I am very interested in seeing this film. When will it be released on dvd?
what country do you live in? You can see the film in Germany, France and North America/Canada. Check the websites for ARTE/ZDF (Germany, France) and CBC Newsworld (US via cable, Canada) to find screening dates.
Alternatively, once the film has shown here in Australia, we may be able to sell some DVDs directly, via the website.
I just found this documentary’s website thru Robert Hare’s web site for the study of Psychopaths. I had just come to the conclusion that I was married to a psychopath for 14 years followed by a year and half of court divorce - custody and 4 protection order arrests all fabricated by her.
I look forward to seeing the movie, but I can tell just by the comments here, I wont be surprised by what a psychopath is capable of doing. My x-wife is a highly regarded successful professor of political sociology. Capable of manipulating all kinds of people like they are puppets on a string. Including the New York City judicial systems, schools, senior committee federal legislators, ivy league professors…and you! (I have two years of recordings and other evidence documenting all of it. What is so amazing is how easily the entire society and smart individuals willingly rejected me to follow a psychopath.
Yesterday I was going to watch the documentary with Spanish subtitles in Barcelona in the Docupolis Festival but it was cancelled last minute due to the bad condition of the tape and it’s not previewed to show it any more.
I think I had a love relationship with a manipulator for one year and until recently (to call someone you think you still love a psychopath is truly shocking) and I maybe this documentary can help me understanding the incomprehensible, clearing my mind and starting the work “towards a recognition of your own values and qualities” as Claude from France said in a previous post. “Information is the key to protection from psychopaths but also the key to recovery”.
I’m highly interested in watching the film so I would like to know if there is going to be on Spanish screens soon or whatsoever since
If this is not the case, I would love to buy the DVD (Spanish subtitle would be important to understand the film completely..) Please, as you said in a previous post, it would be great for me to get contacted by you when the DVD is available as well.
I have a question to which no one seams to be able to answer…
For some 30 years now, I have been friends with a woman whom I just discovered, is a psychopath. This woman was my brother’s girl friend, that,s how I got to know her. After a friend of mine revealed to me that this woman was a psychopath, I began to believe that many people surrounding her are psychopaths, as well. I think that her actual boy friend is also a psychopath and have discovered that her father is also a psychopath. Those two love, adore to fight of unbearable fights. This woman has two brothers and one sister, but the father only fights with the psychopath; never with the others. This is how I begane to suspect that psychopaths may not only recognize and choose their victims but may also recognize the other psychopaths in their surroundings. Is that possible, and how do they recognize them??? To know such a thing would be a precious asset.
Thank You, Bye to all…
I hope this reaches Ian Walker, the director of this incredible documentary.
I am not a clinically diagnosed anything in any means, but I noticed sharing many traits, and having found similar situations (spousal manipulation, empty emotions), as well as misleading, lying to, manipulating and emotionally attacking close friends and family regularly.
Recently having taken a counsellor for a walk so to speak.
I do have some insights if the topic of psychopathy is still of interest to you Ian. Tricks they use to manipulate, and how they play games, create the web of deceit, and wear you down, as I viewed it occur to you.
Please I would love to speak to you, either via correspondence, or even in person/ other methods, distance permitting of course.
Please get back to me.
I’ve just seen this great peace of film on “arte”.
It was a very impressive documentary about a man (Sam Vaknin) who claims to be a psychopath and manipulates the people around him. the filmmaker Ian Walker accompanies Sam and his wife Lidija in journey through Europe, visiting psychologist and Neuroscientist to test Sam’s psychopathy.
The interesting point of the film is not proceeding on the assumption that psychopaths are criminal, mass-murderers or even (physically) dangerous nor that they can be recognize at first sight.
In contrast to most other psychopaths, Sam wants to find out about his character/substance and why he is ready to hurt him and others to achieve his goals.
i am very sorry for Ian Walker. he sacrifices himself to his film, science and the truth, while being attacked by Sam the whole time. i have hardly seen filmmakers committing mayhem to themselves like this. (:
I have spent the past 11 years as a MH professional & have had many opportunities to meet psychopaths. I have also been fortunate to have been trained by Dr. Hare in the use of the Psychopathy Checklist. I have read Without Conscience more than once as well as Snakes in Suits. I would like a copy of the DVD when available to add to my orientation materials for new staff.
I am very excited to watch this film. Unfortunately, I’m in the US and haven’t seen it available here, but I will definitely check out the TV version on Amazon.com. And I can already tell that I’ll absolutely buy the DVD when it’s available.
My sister was a psychopath, which made for a very difficult life for me, my parents, and many others. She committed suicide in May 2009, which has been bittersweet. The year before, she stole my identity and tried to kill me. So, it has been hard to mourn her death. Besides, how do you mourn a sister you never really had? I am fascinated by this condition and strongly believe my family carries this gene (if there is such a thing).
Anyway, I, too, would like to commend you for tackling this topic. I can’t wait to see the film!
Can you please let me know when this DVD is available to purchase, or include me on your waiting list.
I am currently going through a very difficult divorce after being in a relationship and married to a P for 10 years. I have been both emotionally and psychologically abused - although I didn’t recognise it at the time - in additional to being financially crippled to the point where I now have to work 2 jobs 7 days a week. I have been in counselling for 2 years and hope that being able to understand how a P’s mind works will further help me in my recovery.
What are the ways we can access this film? The idea resonates very strongly with me. I lived with, what I know realize, was a bonified psychopath for eight months. What started out as the gorgeous and charming man of my dreams snow balled into a nightmare of abuse and harrasment. Every day I was subjected to verbal assault, beatings, kicked in the ribs, forced into having an abortion, thrown down stairs, and eventually sodomized before I had enough and disappeared. He told his friend he ‘enjoyed’ doing this to me, much to our mutual horror, and went into graphic detail of how he ‘enjoyed’ my pain when he raped me. I’m on a quest to get a more solid diagnosis, establish a court case, and prevent this from happening to any other young girls. I feel like this film could be helpful to my case.
I just finished watching this film and feel as though, at long last, I have found the wildly-sought-after decoder ring that would reveal my father’s true self to others as I see him. He is an inventor whose life, much like Vaknin’s, has been a roller coaster of professional successes and failures. Likewise, the personal similarities between Vaknin and my father are chilling.
My father’s reign was an unbearable prison sentence for our family, that has resonated into my adulthood. When my two sisters and I were children, he was (on a few occasions) physically abusive and sexually inappropriate. He was ALWAYS cunning, controlling and manipulative. For years, my sister and I have counseled my fragile mother (an enabling character very much like Vaknin’s wife), while trying to come to grips with the subsequent disfunction of our own lives. Between myself and my two sisters, there resulted a litany of ill-effects including teen pregnancies, eating disorders, prescription pill abuse, panic and anxiety disorder and more. In fact, my oldest sister suffers from extremely low self-esteem, and has adopted many of my father’s narcissistic/psychopathic behaviors. I have no communication with her as a result.
Interestingly, to most outsiders our lives seemed (and still seem) happy, normal, even charmed. There in lies the tragedy. My father can dupe anyone, including a parade of therapists. Watching him in action is like watching a magician at work, where only we can see his sleight of hand.
I’m writing this, not for my own catharsis, but rather to implore you. I would love to see an extension of this film, exploring the long-term effects on children of mainstream psychopaths (and narcissists), like my father. These are abused and exploited children who are so rarely identified and never vindicated. Please, give them a voice.
And what do victims of these *psychos* do with the knowledge they have of these monsters who have tormented and virtually destroyed them???? They are so suave; personable, no one believes they are capable of such horror!
To the outside world, they are attractive; intelligent, (very intelligent), highly respected, and usually in positions of power. Anyone who has been a victim of this type, knows they are powerless against them, living a life of fear and forever damaged by them. And then sometimes it’s just too late. . . . . .
Heather you have a great deal of insight into your father. I am a gram of a 3yr old and mom of two boys and one girl. I married this “evil” person fifty years ago. Left him when my daughter was 6, sons 5 and 6mo’s. I cannot begin to tell you the hell he has put me and the children through. Restraining orders, lawyers and police have no way to protect me from him, as he was a policeman and knew just the right intimidation tactics to discredit me. My daughter has experienced the same as your sisters and my boys have been drained of energy and confidence. The baby I had when I left him is now over 40 with a baby of his own and his father is manipulating to deprive me of a relationship with her. His father has degraded me and counseled all three of the children against me. Recently, youngest son accepted the responsibility for harassment calls that his father directed at me. It defies belief the emotional abuse he has inflicted on me and the children. The children experienced so much of his emotional abuse that I believe their psyches has been permanently altered. I was forturate to have received wonderful support and counselling, however I was unable to protect the children from him. They see him as handsome charming, intelligent and of course lack the ability to see what is happening to them. He sexually molested his own daughter and told her her if she told anyone he would commit suicide. I fear for my little granddaughter as I know he will instill brainwashing and sweep her into the vortex of destruction under his power. As an escaped victim I have regained some confidence and can see so clearly what he is capable of yet am powerless to do anything “legal”! I believe the children “fear his wrath” and succumb as I did!
I am considering sending your dvd to my youngest son who is now 40 and had little contact with his dad until recently. Son has a P’hd in biology and his dad and wife moved to the same city. Now retired, spend a great deal of time brainwashing him as he is under tremendous stress because of his work and is vulnerable. I have not seen my ex husband for over 20yrs, yet he is constantly trying to regain contact via letters, and the children. Last summer I had a wonderful time with my son’s daughter and we have had a lot of communication between us. But two weeks before Xmas with his dad in his home office he told me I would not be allowed to spend time with baby, or them anymore. This would get him brownie points from his dad. This way he not only upsets me, but creates turmoil for all. He walks away having once again successfully created dysfunction in the family. As it is I have no contact with my oldest two children as they have been counseled to try to persuade me into going back to their dad and because I won’t consider it, they are once again shunning me. I have been apart from him for over 40 yrs. I really hope that there will be more of this coverage in your future films. It was awesome, thx so much for creating this much needed awareness of these people in our midst.
Please forgive my english. I saw your docu i, psychopath and want to congratulate you: “doctor” sam vaknin is terrorizing my countrymen and holding the leaders of macedonia hostage for 10 years now. We, concerned macedonians from Australia and Canada are trying to stop him and i am proud that until now we succeed to convince universities here to cancel his lectures and journos not to interview him at all. He is now like a dog barking and no one is listening, but he already did a lot of damage to my poor country. What a curse he is! Thank you for showing the real face of this criminal psychopath under the mask. Can you show your docu here in macedonia? Why it is showing in every country in the world accept where is most important and where he is doing his dirty games?
I have not yet seen this documentary but it will be shown here on the ABC tonight and I wait with bated breath. What an incredibly courageous project for Ian to undertake! To subject himself to the horror of the true psychopath, to the point where he was ready to abort this very important film. If this documentary is half as good as I believe it will be ~ it should be made compulsory viewing for all high school students. I believe Dr Robert Hare’s book “Without Conscience” should be made a part of the school curicullum in every country on our planet. That book saved my sanity and I believe it to be the most important book I have ever read in my life. I have read it many times and passed it on to at least 30 people. I have read everything about psychopaths that I can get my hands on and have made it a mission in my life to educate and warn people about the prevalance of these monsters in human disguise.
Another great source of information are the books written by John Douglas and Ann Rule. People must remember though, that not all psychopaths are physically dangerous but ALL are emotionally dangerous. It has been argued that they cannot be treated and attempting to treat them actually makes them worse! The damage they do in every facet of society is incalculable and there are very few human beings who escape through life, unscathed by a psychopath. They are everywhere and there are so many of them.
Fifteen years ago, I was taken in by one of these vile creatures and the hurt he inflicted upon me in a few short weeks was unbelievable. I was completely fooled by his good looks, bright smile and his charm and compliments. To this day, I cringe when I think about the lies I believed. Alarm bells were ringing loudly in my head but I ignored them. I am an intelligent woman and it was as though he bewitched me somehow. Like any good predator, he smelled my weaknesses and somehow knew that I was going through an extremely difficult and vulnerable time. He was so glib that I barely had time to catch my breath let alone hear the rubbish and lies that came out of his mouth in a non-stop stream. I simply didn’t know there were people out there like that. People who could lie, manipulate, steal and hurt you and get a good night’s sleep!! They are so incredibly dangerous because they feel absolutely no emotional connection to other human beings. No empathy, no remorse, no shame, no embarressment, no conscience, no sympathy and they will stop at nothing to meet their own needs. Beware of anyone who “sweeps you off your feet” and never forget the old saying, “If something seems too good to be true, then it probably is”! These people are only semi-human. Empathy is what makes us truly human and it is the single most important factor in ALL relationships, whether they be personal or professional. They look like us and bleed like us but that’s where all simularity ends.
Psychopaths are reptilian and completely cold blooded. They may be covered by an appealing “costume” but what lies beneath is corrupt and slimy. I can’t believe the amount of friends I have educated on this subject. Intelligent people who always believed that a psychopath was some sort of axe wielding, wild eyed monster when they may in fact be your “friendly” next door neighbour. It is also an unbelievable and sad fact that so many people believe this condition to be the strict domain of men. Yes, there are more male psychopaths but there are PLENTY of female ones out there too. In both cases, the better looking they are ~ the more dangerous that makes them. How could that stunning, little blonde with the huge blue eyes and perfect smile be evil and completely without feelings for other human beings? Do NOT be fooled by their looks. They come in all shapes and sizes. Educate yourself because it is the only way we can affectively protect ourselves.
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou, for making this film. Pschyopaths are not just serial killers. We come across them in everyday life, most of us just never realise it, they are that good at conning and working us. Some poor souls even end up marrying them, and losing their sanity and soul in the process. This documentary was a much needed expose on a cruel, parasite to humanity-the everyday psychopath. It is so true that their perfect victims are good, trusting people. They don’t stand a chance against these humans who possess no conscience, scruples or empathy.
Thankyou so much for making this film. I for one, hope you work on a sequel in which we find out if there are ways to repatriate ourselves after the damage done by psychopaths(other than running away and falling over the next one.)
As the world is full of them, and as psychopaths can’t survive in a vacuum, moving as they do from one victim to another, many of us at some time or other are likely to become victims of these characters.
I watched the closing moments of the film with great empathy for Ian. No amount of bathing washes away the memory of the cruel abuse, the toxic effect psychopaths have on you once they sink their teeth in.
I have just watched the documentary.
I am not mad and evil afterall.!!! Such relief!!!
My sister returned to Australia after 30 years in England. Supposedly so “sick” that she was going to die. My parents were nearly 90 at the time, so I took her in. Provide home, care and even spending money. I took her to many health specialists and Mental Health Teams. The only health diagnosis was Reflux.
After 10 months, she had to go! The SANE part of my head could see how she was manipulating the whole extended family, especally my relationship with my husband and daughter. However the EMOTIONAL part of my brain was taking on all responsibility. She then moved to my parents, where her lies have defied logic, and has she succeeded in manipulating them to beleive that I was the aggresser. Even though many people have witnesseed the same threatening behaviour to my parents that she did to me. Only worse, because they would not stand up to her at all. They did not have a husband like I did to support them. She now has control of their lives, their home even the phone calls that they make. My photos have been removed as has most of my daughters (”but there were none of her sons on the fridge” - even though there is 11 photos of them on the walls.)
My parent have always been there for other people, been very empathetic, so too my siblings. It makes sense now - we are the classic victims of the psychopath.
My parents will not admit to anyone that they feel threatened by her. (it is jsut a family matter) To professionals they state that they are extremely happy with her living with them. Yet to me and my other sibling they do admit their fear. Yet, they still believe her every word. They beleive that we are the NASTY people. The ones after their Money. It continues to mess with our brains when they believe her, even though they have sent her over $80,000 in an 8 year period. And last year were looking into buying her ex a farm in France.!!
I have been suicidal, yet my mother has become such a puppet of my sister that she displays little concern or love. Yet my sister’s supposed Suicidal states are treated with great concern. She is such a great portrayer of emotion and vulnerability when required.
It was SO reasuring when the documentary highlighted the switch from abusive to calm friendly, even witty communication, and the “confusing effect” on the victims. I have lived it.!
I am now, becoming a stronger person from this experience. (It is a long journey though, she has managed to created such doubt to my whole core.) But, it is just such a shame that she has ruined the once caring relationships that existed between my parents and my siblings. She will end up with their home, their money, our family history, but my family will be stronger and the relationship with my siblings, and cousins, is stronger. And she will then move on to the next victim. Fortunatley it will no longer be me.
Thank you, Ian, your documentary has helped make sense of it all, both to me and my siblings.
I wish to commend and congratulate you on a remarkable achievement.
I agree with the many commentators above that this is a documentary of enormous insight and importance.
I too feel sorry that you had to commit so much of yourself to this documentary and suffer the consequences.
Having known at least 2 psychopaths I can sympathize with the impact this had on you. I found myself understanding exactly what was happening.
You appear to have the requisite insight to leave it all behind, yet I know too well how some of Sam’s words will continue to haunt you from time to time.
I thank you and I wish you all the best for the future.
Just saw I-Psychopath on ABC tv. I found it very interesting. Entralling.
Pretty sure I’ve worked with a few. They seem to fit right in with big corporations who need people who are goal orientated and lacking in conscience or empathy. The cost cutting consultant job would suit a psychopath.
I am interested in the similarities and differences between Aspergers Syndrome and Psychopathy. I think there is some overlap, many people with Aspergers are not intuitively Empathetic - they understand if the other person’s point of view is explained to them but do not always notice unless they’ve been trained to look and make the effort. However most people with Aspergers have a great difficulty telling lies unless they’ve done drama studies or been taught in some way.
And I know Aspergers is a spectrum as it seems with Psychopathy. And I also know that Aspergers is genetic/hereditary. Would not like to think that Psychopathy is, but I look at some of the successful corporate dynasties and wonder.
There is an evolutionary advantage to particular personality types in certain situations. I know the Aspergers type can be very cool in a crisis when everybody else is panicking and they make great thinkers, scientists, doctors and engineers. Though as doctors, they frequently have the worst bedside manner.
I saw the film and can’t really see what people are talking about. Sam was loud and belligerent, but not half as special as he seemed to think he was. In fact, he was more annoying than anything else. If he is an example of a true psychopath then they are remarkably common
Ian, as I watched you wash your hair and shave your beard during the closing minutes of he documentary, I could not help but think of that old song - “I’m going to wash that man right out of my hair”. There have been times when it could be heard loud and clear from my bathroom.
Congratulations on a fine documentary.
I would like to raise the question touched by Jessee Bunyip, and that is the co-relation to Autism/Aspergers, and the typical psychopathic behaviour. The lack of empathy, the inability to relate to emotions, especially in others, and more.
My experience recently was with a customer whose behaviour so astounded others in my centre that I thought there would be a fight. Are there guidelines for handling these situations?
Dear Ian, Well done on this dvd. I am 54yrs and only now been able to put a diagnosis to the horrid man I married. It truly flabbergasts you in the fact they change the goal posts and turn it all back at you. I am so over him, but now I fear my eldest son is showing a little of the same. He is doing very well at his business. Relationship issues are quite strained at time leading to my being hurt and not wanting to spend time with him. I do love and want the very best for him and it hurts me that he probably doesn’t understand. How can I help him. Did my leaving and divorcing the father cause his psychopathy . Since it is said, stress or trauma may cause. My story is I met the Psychopath and couldnt shake him off. He insisted I will fall in love with him. I have since heard from my ex motherinlaw that he being 2nd gen Italian was going to throw himself in front of a car if the parents didnt allow hime to marry me. I was a 2nd gen Scotish English. and a good christen. He was a strong individual and he seemed he had a good two parent home life. Though the mother in law was OCD with food, clean, dress etc. She didnt eat out ever. I had grown up without a father and my brothers were quite domineering and bullying. I went to a work place and endured same with my boss. I am now free of it all except when I have issues of poor respect towards me and the father is looked upon as a saint. When he hasn’t done any of all the hard work. He is doing to his aged mother what he did when the 2 children we had together. He didnt want his life changed after agreeing to be a father and dumped me with all the responsibility as he couldnt cope. Now his mother is widowed he is dumping the care onto her great neighbours and sometimes I help, unbeknown to him. His view is I am nolonger apart of the ex family. My view is it is still the grandparents of our children I didnt divorce them. I keep away so as not to upset the eldest son who is quite like him. What is the best way to help..I fear that my son will never find a nice girl to stay with him or marry. When he is kind he is lovely. But he gives me a lot of nerves. I have to watch what I say or the abuse starts. I cannot talk and if I email he will not read. But he listens to his father. Because he is so much more convincing. It just like being in a cult. I forgive my son, as when I was under his spell. I too was being told how to think, my family were all idiots and jeolous. Dont listen to them, or see them. It is cruel and totally unreasonable. I hurt now because life is way too short not to see family whilst they are alive. I put a small foot wrong and I am punished with my son not visiting me for months. My ex cheated, verb abused and physically abused me and ruined the marriage for which I now am glad about. Or Id still be there. Yet he is forgiven for a much greater crime. The son, plays golf, goes on holidays, trips to rotto in his boat, and poses right along side. If I say anything ..I am just jeolous. My birthday last year my son spent it a rottnest with his dad and did not have one bit of quilt or remorse. I am intitled to a long weekend holiday how unreasonable I am to expect him to be at my birthday . It took two weeks before he sent flowers ..And a lot of emails. from me. I clean his house make him dinner save him a heap of money with my labours. And his father reaps the rewards and steals my glory. Saying he raise the boys, to people. When I ran into our ex friends they are surprised to hear the truth. Another Italian said how is my drinking habit? I am insulin dependant diabetic and said I cannot drink a lot it will send me to hospital. Why say.? Penny dropped. So he didnt have to face truth that he screwed up marriage, and blamed me for it all. Hence I cannot be at same functions with him. It is never my place in his eyes and now my son. My son had award and I wasnt invited, His 21st I wasnt invited untill I saw the ex and ptnr there. Ex fatherin law funeral I attended for the ex motherinlaw but I was given the look of death from my ex hub and son. My youngest son sat with me and the ex mthr in lw like my presence. I fear that when they decide to marry will be another problem. Grandchildren, etc.. Its so wrong and I dont no what to do… Please can you help refer me or my son to someone…Kindest Regards Marg
I wonder if you have considered research into how siblings and parents cope. In my experience if you are brave enough to try and ‘out’ the P, you will be the looser. My advice if you are near one- just move your life away from them, as far as you can get.
The follow up should be ‘how to survive after and how to heal”.
thanks for confirmation of what we already knew, but it has been a lonely life watching the rest of the family disintegrate from a distance including suicide of one sibling. Needless to say P is still standing.
I just spent the last hour watching I, Psychopath. Congratulation on a super documentary. You skilfully bridged the gap between the Hollywood version of the psychopath, and the everyday nutters we all know (and “love”).
Could I ask you the reason why you didn’t confront Sam more forcefully when he abused you? I appreciate that you needed him to make the film. Was there a line that was crossed for you? The reason I ask is that I wonder if I would have maintained the same self-restraint in your position.
I agree with the positive feedback above. An excellent first documentary on this topic. How about follow ups regarding their impact of families, partners, work-places? How they get away with their low performance and high status in both relationships and at work? How people typically feel obliged to protect and safe guard them, but not the victim? I have lots of anecdotal information on this, nowhere to go! Thanks for showing your vulnerability and humanity, they are what makes you a target: qualities such as: giving the benefit of the doubt, questioning yourself, looking for consensus and fearing to go it alone opinion wise. Our cultural ’solution’ is to become more intact and less vulnerable. That is not the way to go, rather we need to protect and value our vulnerability and our ability to shudder. Then we need knowledge, information and practise on how to stand our ground psychologically. Many, many thanks.
I separated recently from a very difficult woman, whom I now know has strong pathological tendencies.
She had me convinced that I was at the root of the problem we were having in our marriage - I wasn’t loving her enough, I was lying through my teeth, I was lazy, etc (my family and friends can confirm the opposite was true in all instances!). My counseler (whom I had been seeing on and off for several years) alerted me to the possibility that she was psychopathic with a type A personality and possibly even autistic tendencies.
I reached rock bottom on several occasions of our five and half year marriage, becoming suicidal on more than one occasion. We had fights every second day, but she was never in the wrong. She would use the ’silently hostile’ approach with me regularly. She would often storm out of the bedroom after only 10 minutes of going to bed together, declaring that ’she can’t sleep with a liar’ - and when I stopped chasing after her when she did so, she accused me of ‘not caring about her’.
When my grandmother died, she accused me of not conferring with her in the purchase of airline tickets (even though she could not go, and the funeral was 1200 km away and in two days time) - she even refused to get out of bed or even say goodbye the morning I caught the flight, and declared that I would have to catch a taxi to the airport, because she wasn’t getting up early to drive me. This was my breaking point, the point where I realised that there was no way I could be such a horrible person, and that something bigger and more sinister was at the heart of these problems.
I did the hardest thing I have ever had to do that fateful night - tell her I was leaving. She became hysterical when I told her, alternating between wailing loudly and sobbing at my feet, to shouting and growling with fury at me while squeezing my arm so hard it left finger marks.
That was five months ago. I’ve only in the past two weeks come to truly realise and accept that she’s a psychopath, and it’s made an incredible improvement to my self esteem and the progress toward healing in my life. I’m not really a horrible person! I didn’t fail her! I wasn’t the cause of the fights and arguements! I really do have a big, loving heart - and she DOES NOT DESERVE IT; and I DESERVE BETTER.
If you’re in a similar situation - get the hell out. Take it as an order, soldier! It’s your life at stake, not theirs! They will prey on someone else (poor soul). Take the leap, get some distance between you and some fresh air into your head, and you’ll see what I came to see - and that is, you also deserve better.
Ian, thankyou for making this documentary. People of the world need to see it, so that they can better equip themselves to recognise these predators among us.
I’m glad Ian got back to the question of Sam’s PhD at the end — the second I heard Sam say his degree was from Pacific University (a notorious pay-for-qualification private institution which briefly became Pacific Western University before the state authorities forced it into an amalgamation with Calfornia Mirimar Uni which does not offer a PhD program) I knew it was fake, and I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t pursuing it (and nor was the real PhD whose idle question about a bad link on his website had set him off: “methinks he doth protest too much . . .”). Almost as bad as Columbia Pacific University, the alma mater of my former colleague “Dr” John Gray, whose diploma mill activities were so egregious the state of California actually shut it down!
I wish Ian had also got back to the question of what he knew first-hand from Sam’s family, since the research he referred to, which in the hands of one of his tame testers appeared to contradict Sam’s version of his relationship with his mother, would have been quite illuminating, I think.
Yawn…. every ex and bad boss is a psychopath, aka as “the psychopath fom next door”. Welcome to the age of pathologising and amatuer psychology! Spend a couple of weeks with Ted Bundy (or someone similar) and then see how you come out at the end of it. Sam is just an internet troll, who’s making a living without much hard work. The documentary maker is also making a living and consequently suffering ptsd. Really!
Kaite - you obviously haven’t encountered psychopaths in your life otherwise you wouldn’t be so dismissive. It is inaccurate to assume that every bad boss is a psychopath; I’ve had plenty of “bad” bosses / work superiors” and not one met criteria that one associates with psychopathy. I have however (sadly) had a close association with 2 obvious psychopaths (both of whom were very “Sam-like” in their behaviour. I might be an amateur, but at least one of the psychopaths I knew was positively diagnosed (after he killed a man in cold blood).
And the experts who examined Sam were far from amateurs.
Sam is, sadly, much more than just an “internet troll” and the damage he inflicts on those he meets is indeed both significant and worthy of analysis in a documentary such as this (even if he is not disposed to physical violence/aggression).
I hate using these psycho babble names ie: sociopathic disorder, antisocial disorder, narcissistic personality disorder. Lets just call them what they are. They are vile, disgusting, nasty, immature individuals. and that is it. You can do all the tests, the brain scans, etc. Who cares.
I married a vile, disgusting, nasty, immature, individual, that liked to verbally, emotionally, psychologically, and physically abuse me for several years. When I left him, I looked up domestic abuse and these words came up: narcissism, socipathy, psychopathy, antisocial disorder. And this Mr. Vakim started popping up because he had these “disorders”
I don’t and still don’t understand why this man has turned into this celebrity. From this documentary, he has ruined countless lives with his antics. So why give him this adulation? I am from the south and this phrase keeps coming in my mind “aholes come in diffrent shapes and sizes.” So lets chalk it up for what he is.
What we need to focus on is, how to help the individuals, who encountered these ie: sociopathic, antisocial, narcissistic personality disordered individuals. We don’t need to go into the fact that their mother did not hug them enough and whatever. We need experts on getting these individuals put in jail.
First of all, Mr. Walker, I applaud your exploration of the psychopathic mind. I, however, disapprove of anything that propagates the notion that Sam Vaknin is important and should be treated as such.
I will not attest that Mr. Vaknin is not a psychopath. In fact, I agree with the diagnosis. He is deceptive, manipulative, abrasive, and superficially charming. But his approach is, quite frankly, sloppy and uninspired - inconsequential. Mr. Vaknin is a mere annoyance dressed up in the misappropriated grandiosity of his own bull**** claims.
Typically, the best and most amusing way to deal with a Sam Vaknin when he throws one of his tyrannical hissy-fits is to reply, affably, “Oh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.” Psychological manipulation only as much power over one as one allows it.
I can assure you that not all of us are like Mr. Vaknin. Furthermore, not all psychopaths commit criminal acts. And I, for one, would not like to spend my entire life in prison for something over which I have no control.
I missed the film, would like to see it and have been studying personalities, human behavior and disorders for six+ years after a midlife crisis divorce. Have also read widely about abuse, including Sam Vaknin’s book, and have been an active narcissism/psychopathy survivors forum participant.
To Claude’s question about whether psychopaths know whether they’re hurting people, I can only use my ongoing parallel parenting/high-conflict experience of these years as an example, when my now-13 year old daughter said to me, “Dad knows how much he’s hurting you. He’s said so,” and multiple examples of him actually e-mailing threats to extort and harm me, and TMs with bizarre statements that have had no connection to facts, e.g. that his now-wife is our daughter’s “guardian”.
No, they can NEVER, EVER be wrong and I’m experiencing this right now as my ex-husband and daughter have started therapy together since he recently struck her and she reported him to authorities. After several sessions and expressing her list of topics, my daughter’s told me he hasn’t responded to, come forward on or apologized about a single one of her issues or his treatments. She said his facial expressions have been “blank” and his demeanor either completely calm (for the therapist) or head-shaking when he’s thought something she’s said was stupid. All typical.
My daughter doesn’t expect any change or improvement.
One aspect of the usefulness of this process that concerns me greatly is that, even after I told her therapist all I’ve been studying and how much I’ve learned about all we’ve been dealing with (a whole cocktail of illegal, not-quite-legal and immoral behaviors), without me naming or diagnosing his behaviors, the therapist has still taken his side and has told my daughter to “catch more bees with honey than with vinegar”. So they’re, essentially, three “actors” in a room.
After their second group meeting yesterday, it took my ex-husband only an hour or so to e-mail me demanding additional weeks of summer holiday for their international travel (not agreed to) and then to demand mediation, again — as he’s done multiple times a year ongoing — to divert the focus from discussion with his daughter about truth to attacks on me as retribution.
It won’t stop until she either comes of age or until her Voice becomes stronger and I go for a custody change next year when she’s 14.
Without a doubt the worst and most damaging time of my life. And yes, I started out as the naive, believing, trusting, nurturing one who eventually discovered his parallel life as he became abusive and waged war against me. Now I’m enlightened and informed, almost all aspects of me have changed (many for the better as he was the lesson I had to learn), and as I age the impact of ongoing psychological battering has become complex PTSD of a sort which I work to keep in perspective.
Hi Lisa, thanks for talking about your experiences. They are uncannily like mine. the blank faces, head shaking, the ‘innocent’ dissembling about any topic they don’t want to go near. When we were still together, and I was about to walk away, he would give me a heartrending account of his understanding of his wrongs. In fact, in far more detail and with more understanding than I was even aware of at the time. They know. They think they are entitled to do what they do, ‘to look after themselves’, so that ‘you don’t get the upper hand’, ‘if they don’t you will hurt them’. Etc. His ‘remorseful’ accounts demonstrated to me that they even know, at least theoretically, how they should behave, and what is wrong with the way they do behave. The only thing I don’t think they really understand is that other people do have legitimate needs, thoughts and points of view. They seem to summarily dismiss those like distractedly brushing away a pesky fly.
As for searching out knowledge about abusers and personality disordered dynamics, I have been repeatedly advised to act naive as the courts and their assembled experts don’t like you if you look as though you think you are an expert, or empowered (by ‘expert’ knowledge). Stay minced meat? I don’t think so! Of course I have looked for answers and knowledge! I have been advised also to ‘give him a win’, by the psychologist who first identified him as a psychopath. How can you give him a child? Division of assets, I have already accepted is going to put me back to where I was 15 years ago, while he walks away with 5 times as much. My lawyer recently asked me: but don’t you think they deep down love their child? (this is to encourage me to give him more time than my child says clearly they can cope with) Then quoted the R.D. Laing anti-psychiatry, psychiatry movement. Which before my awakening I had a lot of sympathy for. (don’t label people, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy etc) I have also been advised repeatedly that their seduction and manipulation will work, regardless of the facts and even though there are no facts against me. As I have been manipulated by another psychopath, while I knew he was one, I can believe that they can do that. No topic is safe, no exchange can be safeguarded from giving them leverage they will use against you. At some point, we seem to ‘have to’ give them some commonality or mutuality, even about the most seemingly remote and therefore ’safe’ things. It is hard not to, in any conversation. They use that moment of joining on any topic, to lead you to the impression they want to create. They weave, they spin, they subtly attack, they retreat, it seems they only stop when they sleep.
One of their tricks I discovered is their ‘naive inquirer mode’. Where they pretend not to know and to act a little confused about something they are aware of, in a humble, charming and disarming way, very understated. You then offer common sense, irritation, rationality or information. bingo! they will act more dumb and as though they are really listening and being very good. The implication is that you are bullying them. You end up questioning yourself and if you have really understood that they are feeling terribly misunderstood. (instruction: make more effort? Make them feel good? Make yourself even more ‘wrong’!) They just keep on looking slightly puzzled and compliant. They play you like a fiddle. Imagine them doing this form of manipulation with a child? It sounds as though your daughter has a reasonable grasp on things. After all they know them in almost all their guises! How can Health professionals not know that psychopaths use therapy to further abuse? When will they take a stand and get out of the ‘mutual and reciprocal’ framework, which those with malevolent intent will utilise to make fools of everybody involved? The self knowledge required to understand your own responses as a health care professional is not sufficiently developed by many of them, in my observation. They don’t seem to understand that the psychopath has no such inhibitions in assessing them for their vulnerabilities and ‘entry points’ for their instructions to rescue, support, believe them and to give them some measure of humanity that unfortunately is inaccurate. Not only do psychopaths explore vulnerabilities, I believe they also pick up on a person’s ego. they ’stroke’ them and then lead them.
thanks again, I keep affirming that it will change as more and more people begin to question those horrible things that have happened to them and will begin to investigate. we need numbers and common awareness to halt them in their destructive paths. Very best wishes to you and thanks for standing up as I am and many others are, to the best of our abilities, to care for the children and all good people. ( My ex once snarled at me, when I confronted him about being abusive to our child: You should have protected XX, then!) (I had removed her straight away.)
I will protect, grow, share knowledge, support and do my best to lessen the devastation they can cause. Oh yes, and I will survive!
May 14th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Thanks having the courage to make this documentary.
I have to admit, by the end I was feeling pretty sorry for you. It looked as if Sam was completely destroying you.
But it is exactly this graphic depiction of what a psychopath can do to you - how they operate - that people need to be made aware of.
After I saw your documentary, I went out and bought the book “Without Conscience” in order to learn more. I found it very interesting, informative and helpful, but it could not capture the reality of what it is like to deal with a psychopath as well as your film did.
And in case you’re wondering, yes, I do have more than a passing interest in your subject. I believe my brother may be married to a psychopath. Your depiction of Lidija was sadly familiar.
Rebecca
Canada
May 14th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
I’d like to applaud Ian, first of all, because venturing to do a documentary on psychopathic tendencies as a general topic is one
thing…but being brave enough to actually do a documentary ON a psychopath is something only a certain population of people would truly
understand the emotional stress of.
I had quite a traumatic experience with a ski coach when I was between the ages of 11 and 15, and while I quickly came to realize that he was a
misogynist, it’s taken years more to conclude that he was indeed a psychopath. A shameless self-promoter and relentless liar. I know only
too well the emotional consequences of having a relationship with someone - whether family member, romantic partner, or coach - who
continually manipulates you (often to the point where you’re not sure if your thoughts are even your own). Ultimately it was this abuse that led to the destruction of my skiing career when I was 17.
Knowing that you’re not alone in your plight is always reassuring. I rest assured that the issue
will continue to find it’s way into the media, and I truly hope that one day these men that prey on good people will meet an appropriate form of
justice - one that would finally put the minds of the preyed-on at rest.
Emily
Canada
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 am
Ian,
Just watched the CBC broadcast of I, Psychopath. You did a brilliant job, arguably the first documentary to capture the complex, fascinating, and destructive interplay between psychopath and victim.
Perhaps most remarkable was your insightful and amazing documentation of the manner in which you became an integral part of the action. You experienced first-hand what it is like to be caught in the psychopath’s web of deceit, manipulation, domination and control, and to be subjected to psychological and emotional abuse that can be every bit as debilitating and demeaning their physical counterparts.
Fortunately your exposure was time-limited, and you were able to extricate yourself from the situation. The other victim in the documentary clearly is not so fortunate. Like many victims she is trapped in a macabre dance with an unfeeling, controlling partner.
Awards for this documentary should follow if there is any justice in the media world.
Robert Hare, PhD
May 30th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Congratulations and thank you for your excellent documentary on psychopaths. It truly opened my eyes on some aspects of life I had not been able to understand before.
My problem was that I had always believed in the good side of human beings, whereas your documentary, and some further scientific evidence I have read since, clearly show that some people have only the physical appearance of human beings but are, inside, very little human. What I really understand now is that those people suffer from a pathological lack of inner life and emotions while being overly self-assured and convinced of their superiority, although, at the same time, they suspect that they should give the outer world the appearance of normality, or even of kindness and friendliness. Therefore, they will devote all their energy to one thing: trying to hide their emptiness behind a “mask of sanity”, at any rate, and at whatever cost for others. For them, it is a matter of survival. In this respect, I think the shot in your documentary which shows a cat playing with a mouse is extremely meaningful in so far as psychopaths are just social predators who cannot live without preying on people unfortunate enough to find themselves on their way.
I believe it is vital to know that such people exist in order to protect ourselves from the damage and suffering they can inflict. That means not being naïve, and not finding yourself in the position of the mouse. One of the principles that guided my whole life is the answer that Alexander the Great gave when warned that the cup he was about to drink might contain poison: he preferred to take the risk of drinking it rather than despairing of human kind. I had always been eager to stand by people accused without evidence, to credit them with qualities and excuses until otherwise proven, to offer my help to fellow human beings even before they asked for it, etc. Human values, generosity and open-mindedness are the very qualities that attract psychopaths and put you in the position of the mouse, because they make out for their own lack of such qualities. Therefore, psychopaths will try first to suck those qualities out of you, then to destroy your personality, resorting to lies, accusations, slander, anything they can think of to avoid being unmasked and protect their ego. The more you try to resist, to understand, to justify yourself, the harsher their attacks and their lies. For they can NEVER be wrong. They know no remorse, no shame for their lies or errors, no sense of responsibility and, very often, no emotions whatsoever. If you try to corner them, to provide evidence that they are lying, they will just come up with more lies. Human values and qualities stand as a threat to psychopaths since their emptiness will compare badly with a rich personality.
It is wrong to believe that victims of psychopaths are weak personalities that are born victims. The fact is that the two parties just do not play by the same rules. Therefore, the more honest is bound to lose, transformed into a victim. One of the lessons of History is certainly that victims can be created, by the millions.
The importance of being able to identify psychopaths lies exactly there: once you know such deceitful people exist, you must keep away from them and, if you have been their victim, truly work towards a recognition of your own values and qualities. The worst mistake is to try to understand where you could have been dishonest, wrong, where you could have lied, failed, departed from your principles of truth and justice, etc. The most probable answer is that there is nothing of the sort. The psychopath’s whole strategy is exactly to reverse the roles and make you believe YOU are to blame. But only after having hidden him/herself behind the mask of sanity for what can be quite a long time. This is not to say, however, that we should despair of human kind, but it is essential to regard them as they are: scorpions, snakes, wolves or other predators, according to the seriousness of their pathology.
Furthermore, I would say that psychopaths are a real threat to society as a whole. Because of their thirst for power and domination, they frequently find themselves in a position to exert their propensity to use and abuse people, to lie and to do away with responsibilities, whether at work, in the family or in the neighborhood. The competitive world where we live gives them an advantage in this respect, as can be seen with some traders or managers for example. To that we must add the failure of more and more parents to give their children the limits necessary to conduct themselves as true human beings respectful and mindful of others, which is precisely where psychopaths perform very badly. Predators are not known to respect their preys.
So, Mr. Walker, thank you for opening our eyes (mine, at any rate) on the world of psychopaths. Although I had always suspected that something might be deeply wrong with some people who accused you wrongly, who showed disrespect and disregard for others, who slammed the elevator door on you, I tended to believe that they were not truly bad people, that you would recognize truly bad people at first sight. I preferred to think that I had misunderstood their intentions, that they did not really mean what they had done or said. Now I know this is exactly what they meant. I have read quite a lot of grey literature about psychopaths after seeing your documentary. One question that tends to dominate is whether they are conscious of the harm they do to other people. Scientists do not seem to agree on that issue. Whichever the answer, I, as a layperson, think psychopaths simply do not care about others and, therefore, are not entirely human. They just need treatment and their (potential) victims information.
Information is the key to protection from psychopaths but also the key to recovery. Before seeing your documentary, I had been desperately trying for a whole year to clean myself from all the mud and slander a neighbour had splashed on me, just like you in your bathroom at the end. After seeing it, everything started to fit together and it suddenly dawned on me that I was in no way the dirty one. The type of information you provided led to an unexpectedly complete and quick recovery and actually made me a stronger person, more self-confident and better equipped to face the “world of psychopaths among us”, as I am sure it did to other people who saw your documentary.
Claude (France)
June 6th, 2009 at 10:05 am
Sam the psychopath is right! Ian Walker IS a shitface with the voice of a croaking frog. I’m kidding. He’s not. What he is is a brilliant
filmmaker who has made a fascinating, idiosyncractic, compelling film about psychopaths, and what happens when one gets it’s claws into us.
Jon Ronson
Writer
UK
June 13th, 2009 at 6:31 am
Where can i see this documentary?
June 20th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
You can see I, Psychopath on ARTE/ZDF (Germany) in Europe, CBC Newsworld (Canada) in North America and ABC TV Science in Australia. Please go to their websites for detailed session information.
I, Psychopath will also be screening at select festivals around the globe. Check back here in the news pages for more information on screenings as it comes.
Regards,
Admin
June 29th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Will there be a DVD in the future?
June 29th, 2009 at 10:13 am
There will be a DVD available soon. Please check back on this website for updates.
July 7th, 2009 at 2:57 am
That´s great!!
Is it planned to have the german dubbed version included on it? I saw it on ARTE on TV in german, but the can´t make any copies available.
July 7th, 2009 at 2:58 am
I hope the DVD will include the german version (ARTE screening) as well, that would be great!
July 31st, 2009 at 12:18 am
Where and how can I get to see I Psychopath?I live in the U.K.Scotland to be precise.As far a I know there has been no information about any screening at the film festivals or on T.V.If dvd’s are available I would buy one straight away.I am very interested in the subject of psychopaths.Than you.
July 31st, 2009 at 9:08 am
To all those requesting DVDs, we will in touch with you directly and also via the website when they become available.
Thanks for your interest in I, Psychopath.
Regards,
Admin
August 27th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
I left my husband in 1969 with a 9mo baby, 5yrold, and 6yrold on the advice of the RCMP psychiatrist who told me he was a psychopath. The experiences I have had over forty years continue to this day. It defies belief! My husband was in the RCMP, his father had been a Regina city policeman, his sister married an RCMP, their two sons became RCMP, their only daughter married an RCMP and my ex-husband re-married 25yrs ago to a woman who was married to an RCMP. The damage he has done to me and our children and it continues. He is extremely charming, devious and just plain evil. Because he was a policeman he was believed. He did not pay child support, nor have I been entitled to part of his pension. I am now 70yrs old, my children have been alienated and it would appear that I will not have a relationship with my only grandchild. Only now is there “some insight” into these people who go through life leaving a path of destruction behind them and there is no recourse for the victims.
August 27th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
I think the importance of this documentary cannot be understated. Mr Walker has given the world a gift, shining light on a very dark area.
The more people who see this film, the better, because I bet so many people have been victimised by a psychopath at some time in their lives and been left psychologically and emotionally (not to mention physically) wounded.
The affect that a single psychopath can (and yes, DOES) have on a mass of people, though, is where the next level of application takes us.
Look at the banking crisis we’ve had. It is psychopathic values and traits that have brought the world economy to its knees. Everyone should seriously think about that for a moment.
We are not all created equal, and the sooner people learn this, the sooner the world can begin to recognise pathological thinking, traits, as well as see how those things have penetrated our culture, societal structure and values and we can all put a huge piece of the puzzle of humanity’s history into the frame.
Tom
August 28th, 2009 at 12:57 am
Thankyou for making this documentary. I hope it opens peoples eyes to the manipulations of certain people around them, and helps lead society away from their machinations. It is a bigger issue than seems on the surface - and may be the an explanation as to what is “wrong” with this planet!
August 30th, 2009 at 8:01 am
Thank you! I personally met Mr. Vaknin 15 years ago. He resonated in a very bad way even that I never try to judge people. Since 1998 I suspected that his PhD is not quite valid, I checked PWU on the web, published the findings and since then I tried to denounce him. Unfortunately, he made very good friends around Macedonian politics and managed to work as a consultant for the government on various occasions. Nowadays some TV stations like him very much and call him as an expert on quite different topics. Unbelievable!
Now, after my doubts about PWU were reconfirmed, I was struck by the fact that he’s in fact a genuine medical case. And that, probably, explains why he decided to publicly expose himself - he’ll probably lose all credibility in Macedonia after this documentary.
Again, thank you - it just shows that I should stick to my basic plan to never judge people. And it leaves a bad taste in my mouth as it is quite a moral issue what to do in such a situation and how to react when an alleged con artist turns out to be a medical case and spends taxpayers’ money and influences people through media.
Keep up the good work, looking forward for new projects…
Kiro
Skopje, Macedonia
September 6th, 2009 at 3:31 am
Dear Team,
Thankyou for your brilliant, meaningful and highly informed documentary. I love the picture of one of you with a stick and dressed as a monk. Tangling with evil is a dangerous business.
I was married to a psychopath and so I am one of those women who live in the grey world of confusion and hurt that seems to be unable to make sense of what happened to me. Basically, I was slandered, arrested, cheated on, huge amount of my retirement money is gone and the rest of it.
Since then I have tracked down information on psychopaths. The labelling helps a bit but the most helpful part in your documentary was seeing him in action and seeing the scrambled brain working with deception and lies. He gets going in this vein and he cant remember what he said from one day to the next. Lies are the lynchpins of someone’s character and a liar can take an organized sane persons mind and really undo them. Sometimes it takes a lot of time. The psychopath so relishes this that they take the time. Rarely, does one see the glee that they experience in doing this. It is clearly the rush of power. You captured so many nuances and at the same time nailed it beautifully.
There must be more footage and I would love to see more exploration from you. That would be the stuff between the lines, that can be so rich.
Thank you for making this video. There are thousands of people who have been hideously manipulated and slandered who have no recompense for their suffering. Shining a light on psychopathy and learning about it helps a lot. At another level things are more complicated and the psychopaths damage to their victim is emotional. That takes enormous time and back to your picture of the monk: a kind confessor who understands the beast.
I hope you make buckets of money from this too so that you can follow your very good intuition and keep making documentaries that really are meaningful.
Bev Ross
September 14th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Hallo Mr Walker,
I saw your film in April and it’s a fantastic one for persons who know a little bit about this disturbed behaviour of a pschopath. It’s not so easy to make understandable something like this for the large public. But I agree that this film must be distributed the largest possible. I lived during ten years with a psychopath, I left him five years ago. Now I’m working on a book about my life with this person. About the last five years I have collected many information as well as I have talked to many specialistes. Not at least, because I suffer of a trauma which one has a big and negatif influence on my life today. Fortunately I am somebody who is positiv and who believe in life. I hope that my book would be finished at least for the end of this year. Maybe you are interessted in it? If you require one, I can send you one edition. I think it’s really also necessary to show the influence on the physique and psychique of the unsuspecting victim.
So I would be glad to hear something of you.
Furthermore I’m also interested in a DVD of your film. So I hope it would give one soonly.
Regards
Pia Baum
September 19th, 2009 at 1:32 am
I wish I could find it. I cannot seem to buy it and I cannot find where it is showing. I am very interested in seeing this film. When will it be released on dvd?
September 21st, 2009 at 8:34 am
Hi Michelle,
what country do you live in? You can see the film in Germany, France and North America/Canada. Check the websites for ARTE/ZDF (Germany, France) and CBC Newsworld (US via cable, Canada) to find screening dates.
Alternatively, once the film has shown here in Australia, we may be able to sell some DVDs directly, via the website.
Thanks for your interest.
September 25th, 2009 at 4:59 am
I just found this documentary’s website thru Robert Hare’s web site for the study of Psychopaths. I had just come to the conclusion that I was married to a psychopath for 14 years followed by a year and half of court divorce - custody and 4 protection order arrests all fabricated by her.
I look forward to seeing the movie, but I can tell just by the comments here, I wont be surprised by what a psychopath is capable of doing. My x-wife is a highly regarded successful professor of political sociology. Capable of manipulating all kinds of people like they are puppets on a string. Including the New York City judicial systems, schools, senior committee federal legislators, ivy league professors…and you! (I have two years of recordings and other evidence documenting all of it. What is so amazing is how easily the entire society and smart individuals willingly rejected me to follow a psychopath.
September 30th, 2009 at 7:47 am
Read Mr Vaknin’s book. Regardless of what you think about him, he’s a genius. Really.
September 30th, 2009 at 7:49 am
P.S. Really nice documentary in my opinion.
October 1st, 2009 at 10:01 pm
Yesterday I was going to watch the documentary with Spanish subtitles in Barcelona in the Docupolis Festival but it was cancelled last minute due to the bad condition of the tape and it’s not previewed to show it any more.
I think I had a love relationship with a manipulator for one year and until recently (to call someone you think you still love a psychopath is truly shocking) and I maybe this documentary can help me understanding the incomprehensible, clearing my mind and starting the work “towards a recognition of your own values and qualities” as Claude from France said in a previous post. “Information is the key to protection from psychopaths but also the key to recovery”.
I’m highly interested in watching the film so I would like to know if there is going to be on Spanish screens soon or whatsoever since
If this is not the case, I would love to buy the DVD (Spanish subtitle would be important to understand the film completely..) Please, as you said in a previous post, it would be great for me to get contacted by you when the DVD is available as well.
Thanks
October 3rd, 2009 at 1:44 am
I would be interested in buying a copy of the DVD when it becomes available in the US. Thank you
October 15th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
Where can I obtain a copy of the film? I’m based in Hong Kong. Thanks.
November 9th, 2009 at 8:31 am
I have a question to which no one seams to be able to answer…
For some 30 years now, I have been friends with a woman whom I just discovered, is a psychopath. This woman was my brother’s girl friend, that,s how I got to know her. After a friend of mine revealed to me that this woman was a psychopath, I began to believe that many people surrounding her are psychopaths, as well. I think that her actual boy friend is also a psychopath and have discovered that her father is also a psychopath. Those two love, adore to fight of unbearable fights. This woman has two brothers and one sister, but the father only fights with the psychopath; never with the others. This is how I begane to suspect that psychopaths may not only recognize and choose their victims but may also recognize the other psychopaths in their surroundings. Is that possible, and how do they recognize them??? To know such a thing would be a precious asset.
Thank You, Bye to all…
Alain.
November 9th, 2009 at 8:48 am
Dear Alain,
Thanks for comments. To answer your questions, you should read Prof. Robert Hare’s book Without Conscience: the disturbing world of the psychopaths among us.
It’s the best summary of and introduction to the main characteristics of psychopathy.
It’s available to preview and buy online.
Regards,
Admin
November 26th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
I hope this reaches Ian Walker, the director of this incredible documentary.
I am not a clinically diagnosed anything in any means, but I noticed sharing many traits, and having found similar situations (spousal manipulation, empty emotions), as well as misleading, lying to, manipulating and emotionally attacking close friends and family regularly.
Recently having taken a counsellor for a walk so to speak.
I do have some insights if the topic of psychopathy is still of interest to you Ian. Tricks they use to manipulate, and how they play games, create the web of deceit, and wear you down, as I viewed it occur to you.
Please I would love to speak to you, either via correspondence, or even in person/ other methods, distance permitting of course.
Please get back to me.
James Tollefson,
jtollefson@accesscomm.ca
December 1st, 2009 at 2:22 pm
I’ve just seen this great peace of film on “arte”.
It was a very impressive documentary about a man (Sam Vaknin) who claims to be a psychopath and manipulates the people around him. the filmmaker Ian Walker accompanies Sam and his wife Lidija in journey through Europe, visiting psychologist and Neuroscientist to test Sam’s psychopathy.
The interesting point of the film is not proceeding on the assumption that psychopaths are criminal, mass-murderers or even (physically) dangerous nor that they can be recognize at first sight.
In contrast to most other psychopaths, Sam wants to find out about his character/substance and why he is ready to hurt him and others to achieve his goals.
i am very sorry for Ian Walker. he sacrifices himself to his film, science and the truth, while being attacked by Sam the whole time. i have hardly seen filmmakers committing mayhem to themselves like this. (:
January 17th, 2010 at 2:14 pm
I have spent the past 11 years as a MH professional & have had many opportunities to meet psychopaths. I have also been fortunate to have been trained by Dr. Hare in the use of the Psychopathy Checklist. I have read Without Conscience more than once as well as Snakes in Suits. I would like a copy of the DVD when available to add to my orientation materials for new staff.
January 17th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
We will very soon be able to offer the feature-length DVD for sale via the website.
In the meantime, the 55min TV version is available via Amazon.com at http://www.amazon.com/I-Psychopath-Ian-Walker/dp/B002W6ZI1Q/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1263702472&sr=1-1
Thank you for your interest.
Admin
January 25th, 2010 at 8:23 am
He was not a psychopath as far as I could ascertain, but largely a narcissist.
January 29th, 2010 at 5:42 pm
I am very excited to watch this film. Unfortunately, I’m in the US and haven’t seen it available here, but I will definitely check out the TV version on Amazon.com. And I can already tell that I’ll absolutely buy the DVD when it’s available.
My sister was a psychopath, which made for a very difficult life for me, my parents, and many others. She committed suicide in May 2009, which has been bittersweet. The year before, she stole my identity and tried to kill me. So, it has been hard to mourn her death. Besides, how do you mourn a sister you never really had? I am fascinated by this condition and strongly believe my family carries this gene (if there is such a thing).
Anyway, I, too, would like to commend you for tackling this topic. I can’t wait to see the film!
January 29th, 2010 at 6:04 pm
The feature-length DVD is now available. We are just arranging a PayPal facility and will be ready to dispatch orders by the first week of Feb 2010.
January 30th, 2010 at 11:50 am
Pls let me know when DVD is available for purchase…
Thanks.
February 2nd, 2010 at 5:14 am
Hello,
Can you please let me know when this DVD is available to purchase, or include me on your waiting list.
I am currently going through a very difficult divorce after being in a relationship and married to a P for 10 years. I have been both emotionally and psychologically abused - although I didn’t recognise it at the time - in additional to being financially crippled to the point where I now have to work 2 jobs 7 days a week. I have been in counselling for 2 years and hope that being able to understand how a P’s mind works will further help me in my recovery.
I live in the UK.
Many Thanks
February 8th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
What are the ways we can access this film? The idea resonates very strongly with me. I lived with, what I know realize, was a bonified psychopath for eight months. What started out as the gorgeous and charming man of my dreams snow balled into a nightmare of abuse and harrasment. Every day I was subjected to verbal assault, beatings, kicked in the ribs, forced into having an abortion, thrown down stairs, and eventually sodomized before I had enough and disappeared. He told his friend he ‘enjoyed’ doing this to me, much to our mutual horror, and went into graphic detail of how he ‘enjoyed’ my pain when he raped me. I’m on a quest to get a more solid diagnosis, establish a court case, and prevent this from happening to any other young girls. I feel like this film could be helpful to my case.
February 8th, 2010 at 5:00 pm
The DVD is now available through PayPal. Please go to the DVD page http://www.i-psychopath.com/?page_id=56
February 10th, 2010 at 4:28 pm
I just finished watching this film and feel as though, at long last, I have found the wildly-sought-after decoder ring that would reveal my father’s true self to others as I see him. He is an inventor whose life, much like Vaknin’s, has been a roller coaster of professional successes and failures. Likewise, the personal similarities between Vaknin and my father are chilling.
My father’s reign was an unbearable prison sentence for our family, that has resonated into my adulthood. When my two sisters and I were children, he was (on a few occasions) physically abusive and sexually inappropriate. He was ALWAYS cunning, controlling and manipulative. For years, my sister and I have counseled my fragile mother (an enabling character very much like Vaknin’s wife), while trying to come to grips with the subsequent disfunction of our own lives. Between myself and my two sisters, there resulted a litany of ill-effects including teen pregnancies, eating disorders, prescription pill abuse, panic and anxiety disorder and more. In fact, my oldest sister suffers from extremely low self-esteem, and has adopted many of my father’s narcissistic/psychopathic behaviors. I have no communication with her as a result.
Interestingly, to most outsiders our lives seemed (and still seem) happy, normal, even charmed. There in lies the tragedy. My father can dupe anyone, including a parade of therapists. Watching him in action is like watching a magician at work, where only we can see his sleight of hand.
I’m writing this, not for my own catharsis, but rather to implore you. I would love to see an extension of this film, exploring the long-term effects on children of mainstream psychopaths (and narcissists), like my father. These are abused and exploited children who are so rarely identified and never vindicated. Please, give them a voice.
-Many thanks
February 28th, 2010 at 2:14 pm
And what do victims of these *psychos* do with the knowledge they have of these monsters who have tormented and virtually destroyed them???? They are so suave; personable, no one believes they are capable of such horror!
To the outside world, they are attractive; intelligent, (very intelligent), highly respected, and usually in positions of power. Anyone who has been a victim of this type, knows they are powerless against them, living a life of fear and forever damaged by them. And then sometimes it’s just too late. . . . . .
March 4th, 2010 at 4:03 pm
Heather you have a great deal of insight into your father. I am a gram of a 3yr old and mom of two boys and one girl. I married this “evil” person fifty years ago. Left him when my daughter was 6, sons 5 and 6mo’s. I cannot begin to tell you the hell he has put me and the children through. Restraining orders, lawyers and police have no way to protect me from him, as he was a policeman and knew just the right intimidation tactics to discredit me. My daughter has experienced the same as your sisters and my boys have been drained of energy and confidence. The baby I had when I left him is now over 40 with a baby of his own and his father is manipulating to deprive me of a relationship with her. His father has degraded me and counseled all three of the children against me. Recently, youngest son accepted the responsibility for harassment calls that his father directed at me. It defies belief the emotional abuse he has inflicted on me and the children. The children experienced so much of his emotional abuse that I believe their psyches has been permanently altered. I was forturate to have received wonderful support and counselling, however I was unable to protect the children from him. They see him as handsome charming, intelligent and of course lack the ability to see what is happening to them. He sexually molested his own daughter and told her her if she told anyone he would commit suicide. I fear for my little granddaughter as I know he will instill brainwashing and sweep her into the vortex of destruction under his power. As an escaped victim I have regained some confidence and can see so clearly what he is capable of yet am powerless to do anything “legal”! I believe the children “fear his wrath” and succumb as I did!
March 5th, 2010 at 11:57 am
I am considering sending your dvd to my youngest son who is now 40 and had little contact with his dad until recently. Son has a P’hd in biology and his dad and wife moved to the same city. Now retired, spend a great deal of time brainwashing him as he is under tremendous stress because of his work and is vulnerable. I have not seen my ex husband for over 20yrs, yet he is constantly trying to regain contact via letters, and the children. Last summer I had a wonderful time with my son’s daughter and we have had a lot of communication between us. But two weeks before Xmas with his dad in his home office he told me I would not be allowed to spend time with baby, or them anymore. This would get him brownie points from his dad. This way he not only upsets me, but creates turmoil for all. He walks away having once again successfully created dysfunction in the family. As it is I have no contact with my oldest two children as they have been counseled to try to persuade me into going back to their dad and because I won’t consider it, they are once again shunning me. I have been apart from him for over 40 yrs. I really hope that there will be more of this coverage in your future films. It was awesome, thx so much for creating this much needed awareness of these people in our midst.
March 19th, 2010 at 4:19 am
Dear mr. walker,
Please forgive my english. I saw your docu i, psychopath and want to congratulate you: “doctor” sam vaknin is terrorizing my countrymen and holding the leaders of macedonia hostage for 10 years now. We, concerned macedonians from Australia and Canada are trying to stop him and i am proud that until now we succeed to convince universities here to cancel his lectures and journos not to interview him at all. He is now like a dog barking and no one is listening, but he already did a lot of damage to my poor country. What a curse he is! Thank you for showing the real face of this criminal psychopath under the mask. Can you show your docu here in macedonia? Why it is showing in every country in the world accept where is most important and where he is doing his dirty games?
Concerned Macedonian
March 25th, 2010 at 7:27 pm
I have not yet seen this documentary but it will be shown here on the ABC tonight and I wait with bated breath. What an incredibly courageous project for Ian to undertake! To subject himself to the horror of the true psychopath, to the point where he was ready to abort this very important film. If this documentary is half as good as I believe it will be ~ it should be made compulsory viewing for all high school students. I believe Dr Robert Hare’s book “Without Conscience” should be made a part of the school curicullum in every country on our planet. That book saved my sanity and I believe it to be the most important book I have ever read in my life. I have read it many times and passed it on to at least 30 people. I have read everything about psychopaths that I can get my hands on and have made it a mission in my life to educate and warn people about the prevalance of these monsters in human disguise.
Another great source of information are the books written by John Douglas and Ann Rule. People must remember though, that not all psychopaths are physically dangerous but ALL are emotionally dangerous. It has been argued that they cannot be treated and attempting to treat them actually makes them worse! The damage they do in every facet of society is incalculable and there are very few human beings who escape through life, unscathed by a psychopath. They are everywhere and there are so many of them.
Fifteen years ago, I was taken in by one of these vile creatures and the hurt he inflicted upon me in a few short weeks was unbelievable. I was completely fooled by his good looks, bright smile and his charm and compliments. To this day, I cringe when I think about the lies I believed. Alarm bells were ringing loudly in my head but I ignored them. I am an intelligent woman and it was as though he bewitched me somehow. Like any good predator, he smelled my weaknesses and somehow knew that I was going through an extremely difficult and vulnerable time. He was so glib that I barely had time to catch my breath let alone hear the rubbish and lies that came out of his mouth in a non-stop stream. I simply didn’t know there were people out there like that. People who could lie, manipulate, steal and hurt you and get a good night’s sleep!! They are so incredibly dangerous because they feel absolutely no emotional connection to other human beings. No empathy, no remorse, no shame, no embarressment, no conscience, no sympathy and they will stop at nothing to meet their own needs. Beware of anyone who “sweeps you off your feet” and never forget the old saying, “If something seems too good to be true, then it probably is”! These people are only semi-human. Empathy is what makes us truly human and it is the single most important factor in ALL relationships, whether they be personal or professional. They look like us and bleed like us but that’s where all simularity ends.
Psychopaths are reptilian and completely cold blooded. They may be covered by an appealing “costume” but what lies beneath is corrupt and slimy. I can’t believe the amount of friends I have educated on this subject. Intelligent people who always believed that a psychopath was some sort of axe wielding, wild eyed monster when they may in fact be your “friendly” next door neighbour. It is also an unbelievable and sad fact that so many people believe this condition to be the strict domain of men. Yes, there are more male psychopaths but there are PLENTY of female ones out there too. In both cases, the better looking they are ~ the more dangerous that makes them. How could that stunning, little blonde with the huge blue eyes and perfect smile be evil and completely without feelings for other human beings? Do NOT be fooled by their looks. They come in all shapes and sizes. Educate yourself because it is the only way we can affectively protect ourselves.
March 25th, 2010 at 10:35 pm
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou, for making this film. Pschyopaths are not just serial killers. We come across them in everyday life, most of us just never realise it, they are that good at conning and working us. Some poor souls even end up marrying them, and losing their sanity and soul in the process. This documentary was a much needed expose on a cruel, parasite to humanity-the everyday psychopath. It is so true that their perfect victims are good, trusting people. They don’t stand a chance against these humans who possess no conscience, scruples or empathy.
March 26th, 2010 at 10:15 am
I’d be keen to know if he, Sam, was telling the truth about his IQ. it strikes me that he was not.
Are many psychopaths fairly bright? Do they have more unused memory, due to a lack of emotional intelligence?
March 26th, 2010 at 11:25 am
Thankyou so much for making this film. I for one, hope you work on a sequel in which we find out if there are ways to repatriate ourselves after the damage done by psychopaths(other than running away and falling over the next one.)
As the world is full of them, and as psychopaths can’t survive in a vacuum, moving as they do from one victim to another, many of us at some time or other are likely to become victims of these characters.
I watched the closing moments of the film with great empathy for Ian. No amount of bathing washes away the memory of the cruel abuse, the toxic effect psychopaths have on you once they sink their teeth in.
March 26th, 2010 at 4:19 pm
I have just watched the documentary.
I am not mad and evil afterall.!!! Such relief!!!
My sister returned to Australia after 30 years in England. Supposedly so “sick” that she was going to die. My parents were nearly 90 at the time, so I took her in. Provide home, care and even spending money. I took her to many health specialists and Mental Health Teams. The only health diagnosis was Reflux.
After 10 months, she had to go! The SANE part of my head could see how she was manipulating the whole extended family, especally my relationship with my husband and daughter. However the EMOTIONAL part of my brain was taking on all responsibility. She then moved to my parents, where her lies have defied logic, and has she succeeded in manipulating them to beleive that I was the aggresser. Even though many people have witnesseed the same threatening behaviour to my parents that she did to me. Only worse, because they would not stand up to her at all. They did not have a husband like I did to support them. She now has control of their lives, their home even the phone calls that they make. My photos have been removed as has most of my daughters (”but there were none of her sons on the fridge” - even though there is 11 photos of them on the walls.)
My parent have always been there for other people, been very empathetic, so too my siblings. It makes sense now - we are the classic victims of the psychopath.
My parents will not admit to anyone that they feel threatened by her. (it is jsut a family matter) To professionals they state that they are extremely happy with her living with them. Yet to me and my other sibling they do admit their fear. Yet, they still believe her every word. They beleive that we are the NASTY people. The ones after their Money. It continues to mess with our brains when they believe her, even though they have sent her over $80,000 in an 8 year period. And last year were looking into buying her ex a farm in France.!!
I have been suicidal, yet my mother has become such a puppet of my sister that she displays little concern or love. Yet my sister’s supposed Suicidal states are treated with great concern. She is such a great portrayer of emotion and vulnerability when required.
It was SO reasuring when the documentary highlighted the switch from abusive to calm friendly, even witty communication, and the “confusing effect” on the victims. I have lived it.!
I am now, becoming a stronger person from this experience. (It is a long journey though, she has managed to created such doubt to my whole core.) But, it is just such a shame that she has ruined the once caring relationships that existed between my parents and my siblings. She will end up with their home, their money, our family history, but my family will be stronger and the relationship with my siblings, and cousins, is stronger. And she will then move on to the next victim. Fortunatley it will no longer be me.
Thank you, Ian, your documentary has helped make sense of it all, both to me and my siblings.
March 26th, 2010 at 6:08 pm
Ian,
I wish to commend and congratulate you on a remarkable achievement.
I agree with the many commentators above that this is a documentary of enormous insight and importance.
I too feel sorry that you had to commit so much of yourself to this documentary and suffer the consequences.
Having known at least 2 psychopaths I can sympathize with the impact this had on you. I found myself understanding exactly what was happening.
You appear to have the requisite insight to leave it all behind, yet I know too well how some of Sam’s words will continue to haunt you from time to time.
I thank you and I wish you all the best for the future.
March 27th, 2010 at 1:20 pm
Just saw I-Psychopath on ABC tv. I found it very interesting. Entralling.
Pretty sure I’ve worked with a few. They seem to fit right in with big corporations who need people who are goal orientated and lacking in conscience or empathy. The cost cutting consultant job would suit a psychopath.
I am interested in the similarities and differences between Aspergers Syndrome and Psychopathy. I think there is some overlap, many people with Aspergers are not intuitively Empathetic - they understand if the other person’s point of view is explained to them but do not always notice unless they’ve been trained to look and make the effort. However most people with Aspergers have a great difficulty telling lies unless they’ve done drama studies or been taught in some way.
And I know Aspergers is a spectrum as it seems with Psychopathy. And I also know that Aspergers is genetic/hereditary. Would not like to think that Psychopathy is, but I look at some of the successful corporate dynasties and wonder.
There is an evolutionary advantage to particular personality types in certain situations. I know the Aspergers type can be very cool in a crisis when everybody else is panicking and they make great thinkers, scientists, doctors and engineers. Though as doctors, they frequently have the worst bedside manner.
March 29th, 2010 at 1:03 pm
I saw the film and can’t really see what people are talking about. Sam was loud and belligerent, but not half as special as he seemed to think he was. In fact, he was more annoying than anything else. If he is an example of a true psychopath then they are remarkably common
March 29th, 2010 at 5:04 pm
Ian, as I watched you wash your hair and shave your beard during the closing minutes of he documentary, I could not help but think of that old song - “I’m going to wash that man right out of my hair”. There have been times when it could be heard loud and clear from my bathroom.
Congratulations on a fine documentary.
I would like to raise the question touched by Jessee Bunyip, and that is the co-relation to Autism/Aspergers, and the typical psychopathic behaviour. The lack of empathy, the inability to relate to emotions, especially in others, and more.
My experience recently was with a customer whose behaviour so astounded others in my centre that I thought there would be a fight. Are there guidelines for handling these situations?
March 31st, 2010 at 5:40 pm
Dear Ian, Well done on this dvd. I am 54yrs and only now been able to put a diagnosis to the horrid man I married. It truly flabbergasts you in the fact they change the goal posts and turn it all back at you. I am so over him, but now I fear my eldest son is showing a little of the same. He is doing very well at his business. Relationship issues are quite strained at time leading to my being hurt and not wanting to spend time with him. I do love and want the very best for him and it hurts me that he probably doesn’t understand. How can I help him. Did my leaving and divorcing the father cause his psychopathy . Since it is said, stress or trauma may cause. My story is I met the Psychopath and couldnt shake him off. He insisted I will fall in love with him. I have since heard from my ex motherinlaw that he being 2nd gen Italian was going to throw himself in front of a car if the parents didnt allow hime to marry me. I was a 2nd gen Scotish English. and a good christen. He was a strong individual and he seemed he had a good two parent home life. Though the mother in law was OCD with food, clean, dress etc. She didnt eat out ever. I had grown up without a father and my brothers were quite domineering and bullying. I went to a work place and endured same with my boss. I am now free of it all except when I have issues of poor respect towards me and the father is looked upon as a saint. When he hasn’t done any of all the hard work. He is doing to his aged mother what he did when the 2 children we had together. He didnt want his life changed after agreeing to be a father and dumped me with all the responsibility as he couldnt cope. Now his mother is widowed he is dumping the care onto her great neighbours and sometimes I help, unbeknown to him. His view is I am nolonger apart of the ex family. My view is it is still the grandparents of our children I didnt divorce them. I keep away so as not to upset the eldest son who is quite like him. What is the best way to help..I fear that my son will never find a nice girl to stay with him or marry. When he is kind he is lovely. But he gives me a lot of nerves. I have to watch what I say or the abuse starts. I cannot talk and if I email he will not read. But he listens to his father. Because he is so much more convincing. It just like being in a cult. I forgive my son, as when I was under his spell. I too was being told how to think, my family were all idiots and jeolous. Dont listen to them, or see them. It is cruel and totally unreasonable. I hurt now because life is way too short not to see family whilst they are alive. I put a small foot wrong and I am punished with my son not visiting me for months. My ex cheated, verb abused and physically abused me and ruined the marriage for which I now am glad about. Or Id still be there. Yet he is forgiven for a much greater crime. The son, plays golf, goes on holidays, trips to rotto in his boat, and poses right along side. If I say anything ..I am just jeolous. My birthday last year my son spent it a rottnest with his dad and did not have one bit of quilt or remorse. I am intitled to a long weekend holiday how unreasonable I am to expect him to be at my birthday . It took two weeks before he sent flowers ..And a lot of emails. from me. I clean his house make him dinner save him a heap of money with my labours. And his father reaps the rewards and steals my glory. Saying he raise the boys, to people. When I ran into our ex friends they are surprised to hear the truth. Another Italian said how is my drinking habit? I am insulin dependant diabetic and said I cannot drink a lot it will send me to hospital. Why say.? Penny dropped. So he didnt have to face truth that he screwed up marriage, and blamed me for it all. Hence I cannot be at same functions with him. It is never my place in his eyes and now my son. My son had award and I wasnt invited, His 21st I wasnt invited untill I saw the ex and ptnr there. Ex fatherin law funeral I attended for the ex motherinlaw but I was given the look of death from my ex hub and son. My youngest son sat with me and the ex mthr in lw like my presence. I fear that when they decide to marry will be another problem. Grandchildren, etc.. Its so wrong and I dont no what to do… Please can you help refer me or my son to someone…Kindest Regards Marg
March 31st, 2010 at 9:29 pm
I wonder if you have considered research into how siblings and parents cope. In my experience if you are brave enough to try and ‘out’ the P, you will be the looser. My advice if you are near one- just move your life away from them, as far as you can get.
The follow up should be ‘how to survive after and how to heal”.
thanks for confirmation of what we already knew, but it has been a lonely life watching the rest of the family disintegrate from a distance including suicide of one sibling. Needless to say P is still standing.
April 2nd, 2010 at 8:13 am
Hi Ian
I just spent the last hour watching I, Psychopath. Congratulation on a super documentary. You skilfully bridged the gap between the Hollywood version of the psychopath, and the everyday nutters we all know (and “love”).
Could I ask you the reason why you didn’t confront Sam more forcefully when he abused you? I appreciate that you needed him to make the film. Was there a line that was crossed for you? The reason I ask is that I wonder if I would have maintained the same self-restraint in your position.
The very best of luck for future projects.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:51 pm
I agree with the positive feedback above. An excellent first documentary on this topic. How about follow ups regarding their impact of families, partners, work-places? How they get away with their low performance and high status in both relationships and at work? How people typically feel obliged to protect and safe guard them, but not the victim? I have lots of anecdotal information on this, nowhere to go! Thanks for showing your vulnerability and humanity, they are what makes you a target: qualities such as: giving the benefit of the doubt, questioning yourself, looking for consensus and fearing to go it alone opinion wise. Our cultural ’solution’ is to become more intact and less vulnerable. That is not the way to go, rather we need to protect and value our vulnerability and our ability to shudder. Then we need knowledge, information and practise on how to stand our ground psychologically. Many, many thanks.
April 2nd, 2010 at 5:14 pm
Hi Ian,
I separated recently from a very difficult woman, whom I now know has strong pathological tendencies.
She had me convinced that I was at the root of the problem we were having in our marriage - I wasn’t loving her enough, I was lying through my teeth, I was lazy, etc (my family and friends can confirm the opposite was true in all instances!). My counseler (whom I had been seeing on and off for several years) alerted me to the possibility that she was psychopathic with a type A personality and possibly even autistic tendencies.
I reached rock bottom on several occasions of our five and half year marriage, becoming suicidal on more than one occasion. We had fights every second day, but she was never in the wrong. She would use the ’silently hostile’ approach with me regularly. She would often storm out of the bedroom after only 10 minutes of going to bed together, declaring that ’she can’t sleep with a liar’ - and when I stopped chasing after her when she did so, she accused me of ‘not caring about her’.
When my grandmother died, she accused me of not conferring with her in the purchase of airline tickets (even though she could not go, and the funeral was 1200 km away and in two days time) - she even refused to get out of bed or even say goodbye the morning I caught the flight, and declared that I would have to catch a taxi to the airport, because she wasn’t getting up early to drive me. This was my breaking point, the point where I realised that there was no way I could be such a horrible person, and that something bigger and more sinister was at the heart of these problems.
I did the hardest thing I have ever had to do that fateful night - tell her I was leaving. She became hysterical when I told her, alternating between wailing loudly and sobbing at my feet, to shouting and growling with fury at me while squeezing my arm so hard it left finger marks.
That was five months ago. I’ve only in the past two weeks come to truly realise and accept that she’s a psychopath, and it’s made an incredible improvement to my self esteem and the progress toward healing in my life. I’m not really a horrible person! I didn’t fail her! I wasn’t the cause of the fights and arguements! I really do have a big, loving heart - and she DOES NOT DESERVE IT; and I DESERVE BETTER.
If you’re in a similar situation - get the hell out. Take it as an order, soldier! It’s your life at stake, not theirs! They will prey on someone else (poor soul). Take the leap, get some distance between you and some fresh air into your head, and you’ll see what I came to see - and that is, you also deserve better.
Ian, thankyou for making this documentary. People of the world need to see it, so that they can better equip themselves to recognise these predators among us.
April 6th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
I’m glad Ian got back to the question of Sam’s PhD at the end — the second I heard Sam say his degree was from Pacific University (a notorious pay-for-qualification private institution which briefly became Pacific Western University before the state authorities forced it into an amalgamation with Calfornia Mirimar Uni which does not offer a PhD program) I knew it was fake, and I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t pursuing it (and nor was the real PhD whose idle question about a bad link on his website had set him off: “methinks he doth protest too much . . .”). Almost as bad as Columbia Pacific University, the alma mater of my former colleague “Dr” John Gray, whose diploma mill activities were so egregious the state of California actually shut it down!
I wish Ian had also got back to the question of what he knew first-hand from Sam’s family, since the research he referred to, which in the hands of one of his tame testers appeared to contradict Sam’s version of his relationship with his mother, would have been quite illuminating, I think.
April 6th, 2010 at 7:11 pm
Yawn…. every ex and bad boss is a psychopath, aka as “the psychopath fom next door”. Welcome to the age of pathologising and amatuer psychology! Spend a couple of weeks with Ted Bundy (or someone similar) and then see how you come out at the end of it. Sam is just an internet troll, who’s making a living without much hard work. The documentary maker is also making a living and consequently suffering ptsd. Really!
April 9th, 2010 at 8:35 pm
Kaite - you obviously haven’t encountered psychopaths in your life otherwise you wouldn’t be so dismissive. It is inaccurate to assume that every bad boss is a psychopath; I’ve had plenty of “bad” bosses / work superiors” and not one met criteria that one associates with psychopathy. I have however (sadly) had a close association with 2 obvious psychopaths (both of whom were very “Sam-like” in their behaviour. I might be an amateur, but at least one of the psychopaths I knew was positively diagnosed (after he killed a man in cold blood).
And the experts who examined Sam were far from amateurs.
Sam is, sadly, much more than just an “internet troll” and the damage he inflicts on those he meets is indeed both significant and worthy of analysis in a documentary such as this (even if he is not disposed to physical violence/aggression).
Really.
June 14th, 2010 at 5:53 pm
I hate using these psycho babble names ie: sociopathic disorder, antisocial disorder, narcissistic personality disorder. Lets just call them what they are. They are vile, disgusting, nasty, immature individuals. and that is it. You can do all the tests, the brain scans, etc. Who cares.
I married a vile, disgusting, nasty, immature, individual, that liked to verbally, emotionally, psychologically, and physically abuse me for several years. When I left him, I looked up domestic abuse and these words came up: narcissism, socipathy, psychopathy, antisocial disorder. And this Mr. Vakim started popping up because he had these “disorders”
I don’t and still don’t understand why this man has turned into this celebrity. From this documentary, he has ruined countless lives with his antics. So why give him this adulation? I am from the south and this phrase keeps coming in my mind “aholes come in diffrent shapes and sizes.” So lets chalk it up for what he is.
What we need to focus on is, how to help the individuals, who encountered these ie: sociopathic, antisocial, narcissistic personality disordered individuals. We don’t need to go into the fact that their mother did not hug them enough and whatever. We need experts on getting these individuals put in jail.
June 17th, 2010 at 11:36 am
First of all, Mr. Walker, I applaud your exploration of the psychopathic mind. I, however, disapprove of anything that propagates the notion that Sam Vaknin is important and should be treated as such.
I will not attest that Mr. Vaknin is not a psychopath. In fact, I agree with the diagnosis. He is deceptive, manipulative, abrasive, and superficially charming. But his approach is, quite frankly, sloppy and uninspired - inconsequential. Mr. Vaknin is a mere annoyance dressed up in the misappropriated grandiosity of his own bull**** claims.
Typically, the best and most amusing way to deal with a Sam Vaknin when he throws one of his tyrannical hissy-fits is to reply, affably, “Oh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.” Psychological manipulation only as much power over one as one allows it.
June 19th, 2010 at 8:06 am
Melinda,
I can assure you that not all of us are like Mr. Vaknin. Furthermore, not all psychopaths commit criminal acts. And I, for one, would not like to spend my entire life in prison for something over which I have no control.
July 15th, 2010 at 9:43 am
Hello.
I missed the film, would like to see it and have been studying personalities, human behavior and disorders for six+ years after a midlife crisis divorce. Have also read widely about abuse, including Sam Vaknin’s book, and have been an active narcissism/psychopathy survivors forum participant.
To Claude’s question about whether psychopaths know whether they’re hurting people, I can only use my ongoing parallel parenting/high-conflict experience of these years as an example, when my now-13 year old daughter said to me, “Dad knows how much he’s hurting you. He’s said so,” and multiple examples of him actually e-mailing threats to extort and harm me, and TMs with bizarre statements that have had no connection to facts, e.g. that his now-wife is our daughter’s “guardian”.
No, they can NEVER, EVER be wrong and I’m experiencing this right now as my ex-husband and daughter have started therapy together since he recently struck her and she reported him to authorities. After several sessions and expressing her list of topics, my daughter’s told me he hasn’t responded to, come forward on or apologized about a single one of her issues or his treatments. She said his facial expressions have been “blank” and his demeanor either completely calm (for the therapist) or head-shaking when he’s thought something she’s said was stupid. All typical.
My daughter doesn’t expect any change or improvement.
One aspect of the usefulness of this process that concerns me greatly is that, even after I told her therapist all I’ve been studying and how much I’ve learned about all we’ve been dealing with (a whole cocktail of illegal, not-quite-legal and immoral behaviors), without me naming or diagnosing his behaviors, the therapist has still taken his side and has told my daughter to “catch more bees with honey than with vinegar”. So they’re, essentially, three “actors” in a room.
After their second group meeting yesterday, it took my ex-husband only an hour or so to e-mail me demanding additional weeks of summer holiday for their international travel (not agreed to) and then to demand mediation, again — as he’s done multiple times a year ongoing — to divert the focus from discussion with his daughter about truth to attacks on me as retribution.
It won’t stop until she either comes of age or until her Voice becomes stronger and I go for a custody change next year when she’s 14.
Without a doubt the worst and most damaging time of my life. And yes, I started out as the naive, believing, trusting, nurturing one who eventually discovered his parallel life as he became abusive and waged war against me. Now I’m enlightened and informed, almost all aspects of me have changed (many for the better as he was the lesson I had to learn), and as I age the impact of ongoing psychological battering has become complex PTSD of a sort which I work to keep in perspective.
The only cure is to Get Gone. Time is on my side.
July 27th, 2010 at 2:41 pm
Hi Lisa, thanks for talking about your experiences. They are uncannily like mine. the blank faces, head shaking, the ‘innocent’ dissembling about any topic they don’t want to go near. When we were still together, and I was about to walk away, he would give me a heartrending account of his understanding of his wrongs. In fact, in far more detail and with more understanding than I was even aware of at the time. They know. They think they are entitled to do what they do, ‘to look after themselves’, so that ‘you don’t get the upper hand’, ‘if they don’t you will hurt them’. Etc. His ‘remorseful’ accounts demonstrated to me that they even know, at least theoretically, how they should behave, and what is wrong with the way they do behave. The only thing I don’t think they really understand is that other people do have legitimate needs, thoughts and points of view. They seem to summarily dismiss those like distractedly brushing away a pesky fly.
As for searching out knowledge about abusers and personality disordered dynamics, I have been repeatedly advised to act naive as the courts and their assembled experts don’t like you if you look as though you think you are an expert, or empowered (by ‘expert’ knowledge). Stay minced meat? I don’t think so! Of course I have looked for answers and knowledge! I have been advised also to ‘give him a win’, by the psychologist who first identified him as a psychopath. How can you give him a child? Division of assets, I have already accepted is going to put me back to where I was 15 years ago, while he walks away with 5 times as much. My lawyer recently asked me: but don’t you think they deep down love their child? (this is to encourage me to give him more time than my child says clearly they can cope with) Then quoted the R.D. Laing anti-psychiatry, psychiatry movement. Which before my awakening I had a lot of sympathy for. (don’t label people, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy etc) I have also been advised repeatedly that their seduction and manipulation will work, regardless of the facts and even though there are no facts against me. As I have been manipulated by another psychopath, while I knew he was one, I can believe that they can do that. No topic is safe, no exchange can be safeguarded from giving them leverage they will use against you. At some point, we seem to ‘have to’ give them some commonality or mutuality, even about the most seemingly remote and therefore ’safe’ things. It is hard not to, in any conversation. They use that moment of joining on any topic, to lead you to the impression they want to create. They weave, they spin, they subtly attack, they retreat, it seems they only stop when they sleep.
One of their tricks I discovered is their ‘naive inquirer mode’. Where they pretend not to know and to act a little confused about something they are aware of, in a humble, charming and disarming way, very understated. You then offer common sense, irritation, rationality or information. bingo! they will act more dumb and as though they are really listening and being very good. The implication is that you are bullying them. You end up questioning yourself and if you have really understood that they are feeling terribly misunderstood. (instruction: make more effort? Make them feel good? Make yourself even more ‘wrong’!) They just keep on looking slightly puzzled and compliant. They play you like a fiddle. Imagine them doing this form of manipulation with a child? It sounds as though your daughter has a reasonable grasp on things. After all they know them in almost all their guises! How can Health professionals not know that psychopaths use therapy to further abuse? When will they take a stand and get out of the ‘mutual and reciprocal’ framework, which those with malevolent intent will utilise to make fools of everybody involved? The self knowledge required to understand your own responses as a health care professional is not sufficiently developed by many of them, in my observation. They don’t seem to understand that the psychopath has no such inhibitions in assessing them for their vulnerabilities and ‘entry points’ for their instructions to rescue, support, believe them and to give them some measure of humanity that unfortunately is inaccurate. Not only do psychopaths explore vulnerabilities, I believe they also pick up on a person’s ego. they ’stroke’ them and then lead them.
thanks again, I keep affirming that it will change as more and more people begin to question those horrible things that have happened to them and will begin to investigate. we need numbers and common awareness to halt them in their destructive paths. Very best wishes to you and thanks for standing up as I am and many others are, to the best of our abilities, to care for the children and all good people. ( My ex once snarled at me, when I confronted him about being abusive to our child: You should have protected XX, then!) (I had removed her straight away.)
I will protect, grow, share knowledge, support and do my best to lessen the devastation they can cause. Oh yes, and I will survive!